Still looking and frustrated.

Hello Folks,

My name is Mike and this is the first post I've made to this forum. I've been looking around the reading various topics and postings and it's very educational. I don't know if I am posting this under the right topic but I really would like to hear what other people have to say about this.

I've been a member of various web sites and forums for about two years now looking around and hoping to meet a girl from the Phillipines that I can get to know and hopefully marry some day. I've talked to and chatted with my fair share of girls over there and I still haven't met the right lady yet.

My first thoughts of course are maybe I am doing something wrong with the way I present myself or maybe I am not communicating well to the women I meet. I am not sure what the problem is, lord knows I've tried changing things about myself and how I present myself. It's just getting really frustrating and I'd like to hear if others have been through this too. Lately I have been giving serious thought to just calling it quits all together. But when I think of quitting is when I usually tend to meet a new girl and that get my hopes up again.

I actually had thought I'd found the right woman for me and that we cared about each other but it turned out to be I was the only one who did the caring. I wrote to the girl after seeing her profile on a web site and we started writing to one another. Things were great at first and I was really happy. Now I am not the smartest person around but I am not the dumbest either.

After a couple of weeks of writing to each other the messages I'd get from her were her telling me what tragedy, illness, or money problem of the week was occurring with her and her family. Someone was always sick, or dying or in trouble because something needed paid.

Well of course I was blind at first and believed all the stuff she told me and yes I was stupid and sent her money over. I don't know how much was sent was it was a couple hundred easily. We chatted with each other and even saw one another on camera and I didn't mind trying to help out. But next thing I know her messages were filled with her telling me what crisis was happening to her or her family and how bad things were and how they needed money.

After a while I finally caught on, I learned the lesson too late of course. I sent her money to help with her schooling, family members being ill etc. I got to where I finally told her no more and there'd be no more money coming. Well that's when the messages from her started coming farther and farther apart and it finally sunk in I was being played. We chatted and wrote to one another for over a year and a half and fool that I am, I thought she was the one. I just contacted her for the last time earlier this month telling her to find someone else.

Anyway, I do know at this point if I even want to keep trying to meet someone. I work with a guy who has a filipina wife and from talking to him I decided to look around on my own. Maybe I need a break, I don't know. I know not all women from the phillipines are scammers just out trying to get money.

Right now I am writing to two girls I met through the site I belong to and so far things seem to be okay. We're just in the get to be friends stage now. Both women seem to be sincere and honest so I am hoping something might develop with one of them. The only thing is one girl is working in Kuwait for two years on an employment contract.

I'd be interested in hearing from people here about all this. Do I need to quite and take a break? Any and all advice would be welcome. Thanks for letting me vent here and get it off my chest. I just needed to talk to other people who have been down this road. Thanks.

Hello,
Chat / Penpal sites are hit and miss at best in my opinion. All lot of successful couples met on such sites, but its definitely a crapshoot.
Why not ask your co-workers wife to introduce you to some nice ladies, surely she has single friends or relatives. If not PM me, my wife has friends and cousins who are nice girls, not professional chatters.
Good luck and dont give up.
Tim

Originally Posted by tsullins

Hello,
Chat / Penpal sites are hit and miss at best in my opinion. All lot of successful couples met on such sites, but its definitely a crapshoot.
Why not ask your co-workers wife to introduce you to some nice ladies, surely she has single friends or relatives. If not PM me, my wife has friends and cousins who are nice girls, not professional chatters.
Good luck and dont give up.
Tim

have faith, keep your head up. whatever happens.. happens in good faith. someone 'better' will come along and before you knew it... hehehehe... u're all over yourself in-love (hopefully).

i wish u luck, keep us posted. mabuhay ka!

Man brotha, you've had some really bad luck. Funny thing is that all the girls (maybe 5-7 over 4 years) I have met on such sites have been all legit and never asked for money. I guess ive been lucky. Sure, I have sent money to a few but only after many months of constant chatting and emails. Any scammer will soon give up chatting once money is not forthcoming fairly early on.


It shouldnt be too hard. Its as simple as if the woman asks for money , she is a scammer. Just dont let your self fall too much for any girl till you can see months have passed and no money has been asked for. Really, no woman should be asking for money unless its small money relating to helping her with cell phone load or computer chat time at the internet cafe for you and her to text and chat each other once the relationship has gotten deeper.

ok, i'm not an expert in this but still want to help. maybe you'd have a better chance with working girls? that way, they'd have their own money. they may not have high salaries, but enough to cover the essentials and not ask money from you for everything they need. and of course, i don't think you should give out money when you haven't known each other that long. if after a few weeks of chatting and she already asked for money, ditch her?

Hi, well, it is hard to find someone no matter what avenue you take, so do not get discouraged. I have used on line sites to meet girls in the Philippines in the past. I have gone to the Phils and I have met Filipinas in other countries outside the Phils. I have quiet a lot to say on the subject, but I will just say that the best way to meet a good Filipina is just go there to the Phils and spend a few weeks. You will meet plenty of good ones. The online date sites are hit/miss. Mostly miss.

hi mike,

how r u? in the first place, dont lose hope, don't be frustrated, sometimes things didn't happened the way we want it to be...we lose something for a reason, that reason might be hard to understand but we have to believe that God takes away something when He has something better to give!

i'll share my own ldr life to you, i failed twice in it, first was ok but all of the sudden lost in space and the last one was still fresh, i mean it's months, but the pain is there...we are pretty good, doing fine in our relationship, we loved each other but something happened to him so we end up us friends...but never did i give up, i know someone is there who is perfectly right one for me!

well, relationship is not the guarantee of permanence but the lesson that we learn from it when it fails…it’s not how much love we have received but how much love we have given…it’s not how many tears we’ve shed but how much laughter we’ve shared…it’s not how many times we were accepted but how many times we understood when we were rejected…in the end, it’s not always happiness we have had but how we have given to make others happy!

the value of waiting is a value of a lifetime, if we know how to wait, life shall be easy because God knows what to give us in the right time.

mike, goodluck on your search and i know sooner or later, you'll find her! take care and may God bless you always...

hang in there,
~che

Hi Mike,

I think that most people that have tried meeting a Filipina through a dating website has met a lot that only want money. Agreeing with everyone else, it is hit or miss. Finding the right woman does take a lot of time. We could all share our similar stories to show you that you are not alone, but let me just answer your questions instead.

Present yourself how you truly are. If you are changing things to try to attract a filipina nothing good can come from it. If you manage to fool her to thinking how you want her to, she will find out when she gets to US and more than likely, your relationship wont last at that point. I believe Filipina's are the best in the world at interpreting guys' motives, reading body language, and deciphering email to see what a guy truly thinks. So I think that most of Filipina's probably just see you for what you are and then think you are a liar because what you say and what you claim is different. Be yourself, very important.

Take it slow. Go into chatting as just friends. If they ask for money, dont send any and move on.

If you wanted to take a break I think you would have. There is definitely nothing saying you can't. Bad experiences do make people want sit on the bench for a couple inning's. It sounds like you went right back onto the field instead, nothing wrong with either. Just do what you feel you have to.

There is some good news...

You know that the ones you chatted to are not for you. You know what you are looking for, stick to your guns and don't waiver, you will find that someone special.

You found asawa.com. I am new and I find the people knowledgeable and supportive...and sometimes they give you a swift kick if you need it. Great help.

You have learned from your mistakes, so many people don't. So now you can go back to the field armed with experiences and knowledge you didn't have before. You are more wise. Use this knowledge and don't make the same mistakes.

~JD

How old are you? Wer are you from? Maybe i can help you.

GOD bless!

Fern

Hello All,

Thanks for the messages and advice, it all is appreciated and I am grateful for the input. I guess I am going to keep looking for now at least but I am going to slow it down a bit. I do have a couple of ladies I am corresponding with right now and I do want to see where these contacts might go. I even spoke to one girl on the phone earlier this week and she certainly sounds nice. Thanks again.