WIFE FAMILY

I always hear about how everyone here has met there wife family and how great they are. I was wondering is there anyone here beside me that never met so many lazy people in there life in one family. My fiance does not know I thing bad about most of them but she know what I think about some of them. Money hungry and greedy. My fiance loves them to death and would die for them but I don't know if they feel the same about her. Always needing money which I hardly ever give them If I told you the scam her auntie trying to pull you would not beleive it. I cannot count the times her brother been sick. My fiance has a small family just her and her brother and half brother I know someone besides me have inlaws from hell with big families. I am afraid to meet them in person maybe they will bolo me because I will not just send them money. My girl good but I think she loves them to much and cannot see them like I can freeloaders. Her step father gambles at ****fights alot and his two brothers are police so he think he above thelaw in there town. Brother has his degree and good job but got married right away with kids don't support his mon. Let me stop I can go on forever. I refuse to be used

Sadly, the short answer is yes, Curt, I hold a similar opinion about many of my in-laws. I wish it were not so but the evidence over twenty-five years is really quite conclusive.

However, people vary in their approach to life and it would be most inappropriate for me to generalise my experience to others' situations. It would worry me that your fiance "loves them to death" but does not know how you feel, because any problems with relations and money will intensify after marriage. Indeed, arguments about family and money probably cause more heartache in Filipina marriages than all the other problems combined.

I therefore tactfully suggest that an amicable and workable future plan regarding relations and money be well sorted out between you prior to marriage. Compromise now may certainly incur some painful moments but it is nothing compared to the deep-seated resentments and strategies which can seriously undermine a marriage later on if these issues are avoided or suppressed.

Geez......this is sure to get a bunch of people's panties in a bunch!

You know, the ones with the rose colored glasses.

My in laws are OK, thank God.........but, I hear ya, big time!

Curt,

I didn't know it but I think we married into same family!
The big problem is when your wife believe everything they tell her. This and that has happened so they need money. Most incredible stories can be developed.
I almost broke my marriage because I never trusted what they told us and never supported them without proofs. Well, they fooled me ones or twice. They fooled my wife several times. They are even lying and fooling each other.
As I said, they almost managed to destroy our marriage. Luckily my wife started to understand the game they played and started to question all their doings. It was so sad to see how my wife suffered when she understood that she actually meant nothing for them, she was only the tool for them to get support and continue with their lazy toba drinking and gambling life. Unfortunately it went so far that my wife broke all the communication to her mother and one of her sisters. It’s sad but if I would tell you everything her mother did you would not believe me.

When looking at the development in Philippines the last 10-15 years one starts to question: “Where is all that going to end?�

Curt,

It must have been a distressing experience on your part. Your resistance to their ploys is a wise move.

I can relate to your wife's closeness to her family. Most of us find strength from our lineage. Nonetheless, I do not agree with the idea of becoming "too involved" with extended families.

It is not clear if you had met her already. I understand that you have not seen her family, as you mentioned it.

The way I view your experience, I believe that it would be better if she be candid in telling them that their "beggings" are harming your relationship, and that she feels it. I wonder what impression she has strutted to her family. Our lifestyles may uncloak the truth or our whims about life, and our actions will generate traces of pictures in the minds of people. I hope she be bold in telling them that you are starting to build your relationship, and like any newly weds or engaged couples, you need to be financially prepared.

May you defeat the harrasments.



TrubluPinay

Curt,

What can I say? Your words are cruel but honest and I am pretty sure you would get a lot of negative reactions from this. Your are not alone though that's why I appreciate your courage. This is very embarassing and I am truly sorry for you and to others who suffer the same situation.

Have you talk this matter out with your fiance?

Curt,

You were in the Philippines for 4 years, have you met your fiancee's family then? This is one of the reasons why it is important for men to meet the girl's family before making a huge commitment to know what they are getting themselves into. Btw, how's your fiancee's ailing mom doing?

Ger

Curt and tiger,

Sad to say, but there are really families that are like that. So by putting your feet down and telling your fiance/wife that you will not accept of being use is a very2x wise decision. And hopefully, you will stand in your ground and not be swayed by their pathetic and exaggerated alibi's.

I see these most of the time and I feel so sorry of foreign husbands or their daughter's being scam by their own family. It makes me mad actually. They could have done something productive instead of being lazy all the time.

Hope you'll communicate what you felt with your fiance/wife so it wont be a big problem in your marriage. Good luck!

Jaclyn :P

Family in the Philippines and money are the biggest problem with being married to a Filipna. That is the way it is and you just have to deal with it because it is not going to go away. I knew that befor I got married and had the choice to choose then. My wife and I send money for important things like moms medicin and food because she is getting old. We also send money to send her sister to school. It makes my wife happy and worth it to me. The one thing we have agreed on was not to send money on a regular shedualed basis. Some friends of ours do that and it has hurt the family by making them weak and dependant. If that family doesn't get the money on time every month, then they are in trouble. Putting people on welfare is the worst thing you can do to them.

My wife (still there in PI) actually avoids her parents house... seems they all just assume she is 'rich' now, since she is married to a kano. She tells me all the time about how they are asking her for money for this.. that.. or another thing. SHE knows the truth, but it pains her to have to tell them no. Granted.. we do take care of things like the upcoming enrollment fees for the kids. BUT she goes to the school and pays, she knows her mom will pad the amount if she can. Often during the week... locals will seek her out with some story about how sick a kid is.. ect. She doesn't HIDE..but she does try to not be so approachable.

Granted a lot of this stems from the totally over the top wedding we had.. the whole town knows who she is now...

tw