Red flag or paranoid?

I sent a message to a Filipino girl with an ad on Yahoo personals that said she lived locally. When she replied she told me she was so sorry, she really lives in Cebu. I said it was ok and I would chat with her. We have been only chatting a couple of days and she wants me to fly there so we can meet, get photos and start the K1 process. She also wants me to call so she can hear my voice. She seems very aware what it takes for her to come to the States as she has friends who have done it. She seems in a real hurry and that set off red flags. She chats from a café with a webcam, so at least I know it is her I am talking to. Last night I wanted a better picture of her and offered to send her a camera. She said it would cost a lot to send it to her; you have to use Fed Ex that regular mail can’t be trusted (and from looking around she is right). If she was sincere I didn’t want her to spend her money at the café either. She said she could get a good camera there for about $125 from someone who was where ever it was she was. I sent $200 Western Union just to see what happened. I told her the control number and she said she was going to get the money. Western Union sent me a notification that she got the money 30 minutes after I sent it. She came back online an hour and a half after she picked it up. I don’t care that she didn’t come back online right away; my concern is with what she said. At first she said she just got the money and hurried back. She said the camera she was going to buy seemed to not work right so she didn’t get it. She said she looked at other digital cameras at a shop and they were expensive. She said she wanted to get her cell phone from the pawn shop (I didn’t know they had any value to be able to pawn them), so I could call her. But she said it was up to me because it was my money. I said I didn’t care (I really didn’t) what I care about is she said she had rushed back as soon as she got the money and it seemed to be a lie. I am 45 and she is 36, I don’t consider myself handsome, but then again I am not an ugly slob either, she is reasonably attractive but not a knock out either. She then talked about me sending a camera Fed Ex. Of course I am not going to do that; if she really wants me to have a better picture of her can’t she find a place to get it taken that won’t cost a lot?

Anyways red flags are going up, but I am unsure if I am just misunderstanding or mishandling the situation with her. She seems like she would be ok if I didn’t send any money and just hurried to come there so we can meet. I’ve told her I am busy at work and it could be a month or two before I could take the time off. It looks like a lot of work to get involved with someone from the Philippines. I don’t want to go all the way to the Philippines and not have her show up. I don’t want to bring her here if she’s a sneaky person. First there is the expense, but more than that I value my time.

Any advice or insight?

Also in the forum it mentioned something about never telling the interviewer that you have used drugs. I was arrested 12 years ago for 3.5 grams of pot when my children’s mother got mad at me and told the cops (I have prior experience with manipulative woman who will do anything when they don’t get what they want), does that mean it is doubtful I would able to get a K1 improved no matter who the other person is?

If the interviewer asks wouldn’t I be obliged to tell the truth since it is probably out there somewhere anyways?

Be ready to get castigated, hung, drawn and quartered for sending money....

That's the biggest red flag I have seen so far....

As per the other "recreational" matter... I haven't got the faintest idea...
I am sure that some of the other members will give you the right advice on that.

Good luck in your search...

Try www.cupidbay.com it is a totally free chat room, just watch out for the scammers, they are easy to spot.

I must say you need to run from this girl, there is so many flags waving in front of you it loks like the UN

Good luck finding better... you have one eye open, now open the other ..

First she lied in her profile saying she was local that is not a good foundation to begin.. if you look at my first post on this forum your see i dealt with the same type of girl , but thankfully after that experiance I was introduced to the perfect woman for me!

I sent $200 Western Union just to see what happened.

You brought the red flag.

She just put up the pole for you to hang it on.


Jeeze slow down whats the rush?

YOU EITHER ARE VERY RICH OR YOU ARE RUNNING A COUPLE QUARTS LOW! !!

NOTHING PERSONNAL: BUT COME ON GET BACK TO REALTY!

Yeah, they're right A BIG RED FLAG IS WAVING RIGHT BEFORE YOUR EYES. I'm sorry but that's what i think too.

Keep believing there's someone out there who's really for you. In love it doesn't matter how old you are or how u look, it's always the love and sincerity in one's heart that will overcome these imperfections.

And most importantly --- PATIENTLY WAIT... For the time will surely come that YOU WILL FIND THE RIGHT ONE FOR YOU. Keep on trying though, as u stumble and fall learn from the experience but never lose hope that your future wife is OUT THERE waiting either to find you first OR u FIND HER.

good luck!

Originally Posted by AROMULUS

Be ready to get castigated, hung, drawn and quartered for sending money....

That's just for starters! The second wave will consist of public ridicule, canning, flogging, mockery, belittlement, spat on, pelted with rotten tomatoes, bamboo strips under finger nails, (you get the point).

I am a "give the person the benefit of the doubt" kind of guy but I'll admit, only talking a couple days and already sent off $200? I think that's some sort of forum record.

At any rate, I'm not so sure I'd be quick to drop her. Yes. She may be up to no good, but yes, circumstances may have been read wrong. Just take things slow. Talk to her but don't offer any more money. If she is a scammer she probably won't hang around too long and then you'll know. For scammers, it's a business. If they aren't making money from one "customer" they will move on to the next. If she is sincere, she will understand your situation and respect that.

As for a camera, buy a throw away and send it snail mail. That way you'll get an address and have a somewhat better idea where she lives. I've sent many packages via snail mail with no problems (knock on wood). She can take the photos and send the camera back to you for little cost, then you can get them developed and go from there. But the cost of a throw away camera and postage is minimal (so you won't be out much) compared to a $125 camera and FedEx.

Time will reveal all. The question is, how much time will that take?

Thank you, all of your responses were helpful. I guess I shouldn’t have offered the $200 to just to see how she handled it, the wanting me to fly out there the first time we talked should have been clue enough. I wasn’t looking for a foreign bride, but after reading the forum I am a little intrigued.

I guess I have to get the answer to my other question before trying find a more suitable Filipino woman.

I was arrested 12 years ago for 3.5 grams of pot, does that mean it is doubtful I would able to get a K1 approved no matter who the other person is?

If you're already having doubts about this woman you might want to put the idea of processing that k1 visa on hold for now.

You're already having second thoughts and from your posts it seems that your gut is telling you that there is something fishy. It couldn't hurt to listen to this little voice and take everything slow. Sending her money is really up to you, but recommended that you wait until you've actually met, or have known each other a while at least.

If you did find yourself a victim, there are other women out there. But do take it slow.

Hello Acemagoo,
If you have less than 3 drug or alchohol convictions you're probably eligible to petition someone for a K-1 visa.
Check out the IMBRA section of the new I-129f form to see the new background checklist.
Tim